Being a baby: Birth, baths, bottles

Colin may not yet know how to write, but he sure has a lot to say.


And battling: Ninja Colin uses ninja stars to fight off a masked intruder.
And battling: Ninja Colin uses ninja stars to fight off a masked intruder.

Well, hello, everyone. I guess I should introduce myself. I’m told my name is Colin. I don’t know exactly how it all happened, but suddenly, one day, I was born. One minute I was in a nice, dark, warm place, and then… it all happened so fast, so I’m not clear on all the details, but before I knew it, that place was gone and I was in a different place that I hadn’t known about before. It was cold, and the lights were bright, and the sounds were different. I had heard my Mama and Daddy and big sister telling me about this place, but it just didn’t sink in until there was no going back.

Once I was born, I just figured the best way to cope with the sudden change was to sleep a lot. So I did. In between naps, I tried to learn something called “eating” (I’m pretty good at it now, but it was confusing at first) and experienced something called a “diaper change”. Those were not fun at all. During diaper changes, I practiced crying. See, one of the amazing things I discovered when I was born is that I can produce my own sound! In those first few days, Mama kept telling me I was doing a great job crying and exercising my lungs. I was so proud.

But one of the best things about being born was finally getting to meet my family in person. I met Mama and Daddy first, and they held me a few times. Then, the next day, my big sister came to visit me. Her name is Fiona. I didn’t realize it at the time, but she is the best. Now that I know how to smile, I save some of my best ones for her. She helps me with my bottle a lot of the time, which is great since I don’t really know how to use it myself. And when I’m feeling sad or frustrated, she sings me songs. Plus, she can do all kinds of things all by herself. She can eat regular food, and walk and jump and dance, and tell stories, and… oh, just lots of cool things that I want to learn.

I confess, though, that I’ve had my share of doubts about this whole arrangement. For a little while, they kept trying to shove a fake bottle into my mouth. I’d suck on it a few times and then realize there was no milk coming out! What’s the point of that? I would spit it out immediately and express my displeasure. It turns out, though, that that thing is called a “pacifizer”, according to Fiona, and it’s actually not bad for sucking on when I’m trying to sleep.

Another thing I’m not at all excited about is baths. So unpleasant. It’s fine for a minute or two, but that is long enough, thank you very much. The only good part is that when I get out of the bathtub, I get wrapped up in a warm towel and then Mama or Daddy hold me for a while. Fiona calls that “cuzzling up,” and it’s one of my favorite things. Being cozy with my family makes everything else worth it. I’m so glad that I came to this place so that I can be held by my family. It makes me feel that all is right in the world. I guess I’m a lucky guy.


This article appeared on page 14 of Issue 13 | January 2014.

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